An opinion essay in The Wall Street Journal by Richard J. Light, from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, caught my eye as I prepped to begin meetings with some of my college clients. With a nod to President John F. Kennedy’s inauguration address, Light titles his opinion “Ask Not What Your College Can Do For You, But What You Can Contribute To Your Campus.”   He writes, “College admissions officers have purposefully broadened their student bodies because they believe when students hear alternative perspectives in vigorous classroom discussions, they can learn an enormous amount from each other.”  But to achieve this, students must feel they are an integral part of the process and extend themselves to fully participate in their own education. At its basic level, this means attending class consistently, listening actively and contributing whenever possible. As Light states, “Without students’ contributions to discussions, even the best professors can’t capitalize on the differences in perspectives and backgrounds that students bring with them.”

It’s easy when engaging with our college students to focus on whether they actually wake up and attended class, whether they are doing their homework and if their grades are passing. But Light reinforces the importance of us caring about their active participation and engagement, which will allow them to make the most of the opportunities they have with a broad range of opinions within the campus.

Light further emphasizes that “this spirit of enterprise can make a difference outside the classroom, too.” Building on talents and trying new things not only enhance the individual but also the culture of the campus. He describes a student-driven campaign at Harvard to engage more students with more professors. This effort was inspired by several students who realized the vast number of amazing professors they would never hear. This curiosity led to a lecture series called “Ten Big ideas, Ten Professors, Ten Minutes Each.’’ The students realized that, for most, they were in the last four years of their life that could be fully focused on learning in the broadest sense and looked to capitalize on that opportunity.

From kindergarten through high school, so much of the emphasis is on what to do to get into college. This article reinforces the importance of continuing to support and encourage our college kids to look broadly at what will be taught to them while considering what they can teach and contribute to the campus as a whole.

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FaceBook Live with the Colorado Association For Gifted and Talented

On Tuesday, Feb. 9th Susanne Keeley, MA CCC-SLP, will share her expertise and knowledge about Executive Functioning. Her conversation will be “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” Learning and Executive Functions in the Time of COVID. 

It’s been a challenging year for learning as some students are fully virtual and some are hybrid, sometimes students are in the school building and sometimes they’re not.  Since many of the typical methods of interaction and communication are greatly altered this can be an executive function nightmare! This is an excellent time to establish new habits and strategies and build executive functions.

Join us to talk about how we can support and enhance executive functions during this time. Please join us this upcoming Tuesday for our next FB Live at 5:00 MDT

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People all over the world are eagerly awaiting the day they can receive the COVID-19 vaccine. The fact that a vaccine was developed, tested, approved and distributed in about a year is remarkable. When you consider how long other vaccines have taken to reach this point, along with the number of diseases that have no vaccine despite consistent efforts, the current feat is even more extraordinary. Who are the people who developed these vaccines? Clearly, they are people with focus, creativity and skill. But they also likely possess exceptional intellect, gifts and talents. It’s unlikely that someone with an interest in Chemistry but extremely average skills (myself included) made a significant contribution to this life changing development. The world needs really smart people.

I find myself wondering about the educational programming these scientists encountered in their youth. How many were part of a structured gifted education program? Did they find teachers and mentors that fostered their interests and talents?  How many had parents who were supported and listened to when they were advocating for the needs of their bright children at school? Were they intrinsically self-motivated. Or were they the kid in the back of the room who was failing because they were so bored?  I wonder how many would-be vaccine developers never made it because there wasn’t support and encouragement for their level and style of learning.

Hopefully, we are beginning to understand that bringing down the top does not elevate the bottom any more than lowering your ceiling raises your floor. Every student deserves to be educated at the appropriate level regardless of where they fall on the intellectual or economic spectrum. Every student deserves the opportunity to learn something new every single day they are in school even if and especially if it’s a public school. And through this, we will hopefully develop the minds that will help us solve the many big challenges we face.

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This year’s Colorado Association for Gifted and Talented conference was held virtually, which was yet another reminder of how the year 2020 has been different than any other. I spoke about the impact of the changed situation on our Executive Functions and have condensed that conversation into this article.

Executive Functions (EF) are the high-level cognitive skills that allow us to anticipate what needs to be done, know the steps and sequence towards completion, manage the time needed while constantly evaluating the situation and modify our plans accordingly. They are the last to develop in an evolutionary sense and also in an individual, not being fully developed until our 30s, which means that all our children go through their entire educational experience with immature EF skills. EF decline when we’re tired, sick, hungry, thirsty, stressed, in pain, and so on. Given this, I anticipated a drop in people’s EF skills during this COVID-19 period but I’ve been surprised by the impact this vastly different situation had on our higher-level cognitive abilities.

Routines are important because the brain is a worrywart and they can help alleviate that worry. A consistent, predictable structure takes the pressure off and  supports these high-level cognitive processes. But in a matter of weeks, many of our routines disappeared and the results for many are extreme. The need to wake up at a particular time, clean up, eat breakfast and get to school is often gone. Those aware of the need to maintain a routine, albeit a different one, often report success in both academic and leisure tasks. This is the exception rather than the rule. For most, the school and work routine has jumped the tracks. Those without routines struggle. Every day is uncharted territory, which is great on vacation, but detrimental for school.

It’s totally understandable that finding school routines for lecture time, physical location, posting assignments and expectations is difficulty. The situation itself is fluid. But this variability is very difficult for many students and their immature EF. Again, under normal circumstances it shouldn’t be too hard to deal with virtual meetings being on Mondays some weeks and Wednesdays others. But these abnormal times are giving us abnormal EF skills and our brains can’t manage the variability.

Environmental cues are important as the brain responds to them to anticipate situations and determine the appropriate behavior. One environmental cue is what we wear and getting dressed each day is a strong indicator of success with virtual learning. Those who get out of their pajamas and wear appropriate clothes tend to be more engaged and successful attending class, doing homework and managing their time.

A regular location to for lectures and homework is also important. Often, this is not easy when there are several family members working and schooling from home. But when possible, a consistent study space triggers our brain that this is time to work. However, students who view their beds as their workspace tend to glean less and also report more difficulty sleeping, since the cues for learning and sleeping are mixed up. We know EF are diminished when we’re tired. But it’s a cruel conundrum that the part of your brain that helps you understand the effects of your behavior on your performance is also the part of your brain that is not working well because of your behavior.

The detrimental impact of stress and worry on high-level brain function is known and COVID-19 gives us all reason to worry. This worry comes in many forms. We can often predict students’ worries and help them cope. We anticipated their concerns about catching the virus, missing school and their friends. Supporting students through these stresses is important for many reasons including enhancing their EF. But more difficult worries are more difficult. Some students, especially gifted students, feel and ponder deeply and may have existential stresses such as what will the world look like on the other side of this or how do we deal with the social and economic inequities evident with the pandemic. While some have the ability to contemplate these issues, many don’t have the tools to curb those anxieties when they get to be too much. And again, the part of the brain responsible for filtering emotions, judging the validity and importance of a stressor is the same part of the brain that is struggling. It’s a design flaw.

Many school systems have made attendance and completion of assignments optional or not impactful to long range standing. The need for this is understandable- the urgency of school closings doesn’t allow for many choices, not all home environments support good learning etc.  But this optional vs required situation is a challenge for students and their ability to do what is best rather than what is minimally necessary. I see several camps. Camp 1 are the EF superstars who complete all the work because they are thirsty for knowledge and understand the impact to their future. They are the minority. Camp 2 are the fearful. They do the work because they are afraid they will get in trouble if they don’t. Camp 3, by far the biggest group, consists of the guilt ridden. They don’t do the work but they are constantly worrying about the fact that they aren’t. Camp 4 students know it doesn’t count, don’t do it and are fine it. The ability to do what is best without any obvious, immediate consequence is extremely hard for even mature adult brains. Expecting immature brains to do so is probably unrealistic.

Learning differences are far more apparent and consequential during the COVID-19 changes. Some classes are exclusively lecturing in front of a blank wall. Perhaps good for an auditory learner but a disaster for a visual one. Perhaps good for a child that is easily overstimulated but horrible for one who can get lost in their own head. Or the pace of the teacher’s lecture may exceed a student’s auditory processing speed or  note taking abilities. Others have numerous readings. Again, good for some but challenging for those whose reading isn’t their forte. Screen views are impactful. Some teachers encourage a full participant view which can be terrible for those who are easily visually over stimulated. The raise your hand function isn’t always easy to use. Some students aren’t comfortable jumping in and conversely, students who can’t inhibit their comments may be highly distracting to others. Many gifted students enjoy the often self-paced nature. But what happens when their learning out paces the posted material? Lastly, it has been very difficult to figure out how specific IEP or 504 accommodations can be accomplished in either the virtual or highly modified in person classrooms.

This isn’t bad for everyone! Being out of the classroom has been wonderful for many students. Those who have anxiety surrounding school, are being bullied or just don’t feel like they fit in, have a reprieve and many are doing better ever. Students with attention or behavioral challenges are often excelling in environments that are less distracting than the classroom. Shy students are enjoying the smaller interactions, students who can self-pace are enjoying the lack of micromanagement. Many students were overscheduled after school. The elimination of these activities has given many the time they need for schoolwork and downtime. And for some, but clearly not all, the physical comfort and safety home provides the optimal state for their brains to learn.

So, what can we do better to maximize EF skills during difficult times? We can begin by intentionally supporting EF and their development to a greater extent than we typically would, because for all of us, the circumstances have reduced them. Assume Nothing! Directions and steps that may be painfully obvious to you are likely not to many kids. During stressful times we need to assume kids understand and spell it out. Your most asked question should be “What’s Your Plan?” Ask this question even when you know the student doesn’t have a plan. It reminds them that they need a plan. We can strongly encourage and reward routines and environmental cues. We should work to be as consistent as possible- even if that means a form of consistent inconsistency. We can work to provide consistent workspaces at home and encourage appropriate clothing. We can help kids select backgrounds and displays that enhance, not distract.  And we can maintain consistent break, meal and bedtimes. Encourage the use of a planner. Students need to keenly aware of what they have to do, how long it will take, priorities, and the best time to complete them. They should not hold this in their head- their head is getting full! We can use this opportunity to teach that a well-balanced life includes exercise, art, music, sports, social interactions and downtime even when their regular school based activities aren’t occurring. We should help students include activities for their mind, body and spirit in their plan. Lastly and most importantly, motivation and praise are essential during this time. The greatest motivator is success so we can all look for even the smallest successes to point out on a daily basis, helping kids and ourselves appreciate what is going well and focus less on what isn’t.

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Arlene Pellicane’s article in the June 3, 2020 edition of the Wall Street Journal entitled “Save Your Kids From Covid’s Digital Deluge” caught my attention. Ms. Pellicane discusses the impact of screen use as we begin to come out of the Covid-19 lockdowns.

“Parents used to feel guilty when our children overused phones and tablets. But during Covid-19, experts gave us a pass….Children were already obsessed with screen time before the pandemic. I fear what they’ll be like after.” I can relate. When the Weekly Screen Time Report appears on my phone (ironically, a screen to report my screen use) I cringe-it’s far higher than pre-Covid-19. Granted, some of it involves professional and social meetings that would previously have been held in person. But I know that’s only a fraction of the heightened activity. Pellicane states, “Habits are being ingrained.”

Habits tend to be vague, singularly focused and often without defined outcomes and/or methods to achieve the outcome. They are things we do without much contemplation, like getting dressed or eating lunch. Bad habits are most often something we fall into without intent. Unfortunately, when it comes to bad habits with screens, the addictive aspects of the screen activities are well understood and intentionally created to hook us in. Falling out of these bad screen habits will require intention. We need to move out of our vague, ill-defined actions into more thoughtful activities that involve a plan for success. Unfortunately, every aspect of this requires high-level executive functions, something many of our children have yet to acquire. They will need help.

“We want our children to feel good, and that’s why we often go easy on them. But maybe they’ll feel better if we require them to do good…When children take responsibility, their self-esteem improves” continues Pellicane. {Italics my addition} This summer provides a rare opportunity to teach kids practical life skills, for example, cooking, money management, changing a tire, sewing on a button, tending a garden and the list goes on. It’s easy to get caught up in the missed academic opportunities, but those will be more easily remedied if students return to school having gotten fresh air, having seen practical applications to what they have already learned in class and not being glassy eyed from continual screen activity. It takes time, effort and energy to pull the plug on electronic entertainment but this opportunity is ripe and the rewards will be evident.

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“When a scene of Mr. Rogers assembling a tent comes to nought, Rogers, rather than retaking it or seeking another character’s help, completes the scene as is and makes his failure to assemble it the crucial theme, later explaining his decision to Vogel: “It’s important for children to know that adults’ plans don’t always work out.” The New Yorker 11/21/19

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-front-row/the-wondrous-heroism-of-mr-rogers-in-a-beautiful-day-in-the-neighborhood

While there are so many lessons we can all learn from Mr. Rogers, I immediately thought of the importance of the R in GOSTRONG when I saw this scene in the movie. R stands for Revise. Having a plan is important but equally important is what you do when the plan isn’t working. The most common option for those with executive function difficulties is to quit. You can’t figure out how to upload the assignment? Just quit looking.  Your lab experiment didn’t work out? Don’t write it up. The Internet goes down? No homework tonight!

It’s important for children to know that adults’ plans don’t always work out. And there are plenty of opportunities for children to observe adults’ failed plans nowadays with home also being the school and the office. Own your mistakes and let children see that success isn’t always a straight line.  

“Failure is not the opposite of success; it’s part of success.” Arianna Huffington

Whether it involves home or school, the ability to see adults needing to modify their plans is essential to the development of the skill in children. Often teachers are resistance to share their full plan and timetable for an assignment from start to finish. They explain that too much can happen creating the need to change the plan. And I respond, “Exactly!” The G, the O, the S and the T of GOSTSRONG are important but the remaining letters are of equal importance. Plans fail or need modification. What do you do when that happens?

As you own the shortcomings of a particular plan, share with your children what you will do next-what are the revisions that will allow you to ultimately meet the initial goal. Discuss whether there was a fault in your plan that you didn’t recognize initially or was it just an unforeseen circumstance. Show your kids that the answer isn’t to punt but rather to revise. Be specific with your wording and your description. For example,

            “I planned to grill some chicken for dinner tonight but the thunderstorm  won’t let that happen. I’m sure you all want dinner tonight so I will cook the  chicken in the oven instead.”

            “I know the schedule says we will have a test Friday but we have had such great discussions this week, we haven’t gotten through all the material. I will move the test to Monday.”

Just as Mr. Rogers made the decision to keep going, we too need to show kids that failure is a part of life, not a stop sign, and to keep going, you need to revise.

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Depending upon where you live, you are anywhere between days to weeks to months of sheltering in place. While staying at home isn’t what any of us want to be doing now, it is the only choice. This situation is not easy for anyone, including students. I thought I would summarize what I’ve observed in the last month working virtually with students from 6^th grade through graduate school in 5 states.

I want to begin with a particular comment floating around the Web:

“…If I can leave you with one thing it’s this: at the end of all of this, your kids’ mental health will be more important than their academic skills. And how they felt during this time will stay with them long after the memory of what they did during those 4 or more weeks is long gone. So keep that in mind, every single day.”

Wise words! Keeping your child, and yourself, healthy and happy is the most important goal of this time. Ultimately, I predict this semester, for all students at all levels, will be an “asterisk,” you know, the * put next to a sports player’s records when there was some extenuating circumstance. Every single student is impacted by the new learning methods and as we move forward, every school and employer will realize that performance during this period needs to be taken with a grain of salt. 

I was happy to see an article in the New York Post this week quoting a 2014 study from my personal favorite university, the University of Colorado. This study found “that the kids who have more free time to create and structure their own activities develop stronger executive functioning skills — that is, better planning, problem-solving and follow-through — than kids whose lives are more continuously structured by adults.  Executive functioning skills are exactly what kids need to succeed at school and in real life (that thing we used to partake in, before Zoom).” Those of you who read this blog regularly know that time is one of my favorite topics. Many students and young adults don’t know how to manage time because they have never had any free time to manage. Our current situation is an opportunity to allow kids to create their own free time activities. As I suggested last month, sticking to some form of a schedule is helpful and free time is part of that schedule. Kids will likely need some suggestions, guidance and maybe restrictions regarding their free time activity, but set the parameters, encourage them manage their own time and then step back. I’ve been inspired by what my students have come up with!

Virtual learning is new to most students, teachers and parents and there is a wide range in how it is presented. On one end, some schools conduct every class at the regular time via an interactive, synchronous platform while others post assignments and assessments for students to individually complete independently. My observations from this month:

• Students participating in interactive learning, even once a week, are more engaged and participatory not only in schoolwork but also free time. They attribute this to the opportunity to see and talk with their teacher and classmates on a regular basis. While the location is different, the feel of the day is similar.
• Students who are given a posted assignment to be completed on their own are more likely to be floundering. For some, it is because their learning style doesn’t match the presented format. Auditory learners are having trouble with assignments being all reading and writing while others find video assignments difficult.  For other students, the lack of contact with the teacher and classmates makes it seem like they are not really in school.
• When their teachers set the due dates as the end of the semester, students aren’t pacing their assignments. Some completed them all the first week and others, I’m sure, aren’t getting to them until the night before.
• My students like when teachers have designated office hours whether that be a drop in virtual meeting or an arranged time. Reaching out for help is easier when the student doesn’t need to initiate the contact.
• Parents are in a Goldilocks’ situation as far as giving assistance; sometimes it’s too much, sometimes it’s too little and occasionally it’s just right. Many students are accustom to their independence in school and don’t like parents hearing/seeing what is going on. Yet, with the new format, some assistance may be appropriate. At the same time, many parents are working from home themselves, juggling multiple children in multiple schools and simply don’t have the bandwidth to do it all.
• Many teachers are also spread thin. Classroom activities do not easily translate into a virtual classroom. Teachers are being asked to create entirely new schedules, lessons, homework and assessments in a format many are unfamiliar with. They too may have families at home making everyone juggle when and where to do their work or online teaching.

Nothing about the current situation is easy. There are definitely aspects administrations, teachers, students and parents could be doing better. But the most important aspect we can all do is to prioritize physical and mental health and be kind to each other.

https://nypost.com/2020/03/29/coronavirus-is-providing-the-course-correction-kids-desperately-needed/?utm_campaign=iosapp&utm_source=mail_app

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00593/full

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As the COVID-19 virus spreads, more instances of school closures, social distancing and self-quarantine are appearing.  While the health benefits are obvious, it can be very challenging for both adults and children. We all wonder what we should be doing if we’re stuck at home and of course, I’m thinking, “Encourage executive function skills!”

Here are some thoughts.

Routines: Routines are important especially when our usual routines are disrupted. They provide structure and security while helping us from feeling powerless and unmotivated.  For those kids with good sleep habits, work to keep them during this time. For those without, it may be an opportunity to develop some. Certainly, kids can sleep in a bit and not wake up at the crack of dawn as might happen on a school day. But sleeping until mid- day isn’t a wise idea. Additionally, staying up a little later at night won’t hurt. But you should help your children avoid staying up until 2:00am and sleeping until noon. Being well rested is key to strong executive functions and even small disruptions in sleep routines can take a while to correct. Make sure kids keep up with their hygiene and grooming routines including being dressed and not in PJs everyday.

Schedules: Children are accustom to a schedule at and after school, helping their brain to structure what is happening, what did happen and to anticipate what is going to happen. Some of this structure should exist at home. It doesn’t need to be rigid but having times allotted each day for key areas can be comforting. Free time shouldn’t be the only time and extensive hours with video games and social media shouldn’t be the only activity. Make developing the schedule a joint venture allowing kids to have some control over the unusual situation. Here are some ideas:

• Academics: Some students will be participating in distance learning. The school may set the participation time but if not, determining a regular “school time” will be important. There should also be a designated location for school time that isn’t on the bed. They should continue to use all the tools they have been to help them succeed especially their planner. Homework and studying times should be kept consistent and should include a plan, a good place and a good time to complete it all.
• Sports & Exercise: If your child participates in a sport, try to find some ways for continued independent practice, even if it’s more cross training than sport specific. And everyone can benefit from some daily exercise. Getting blood moving to the brain does wonders for EF.
• Chores: Regular chores should be continued and perhaps new ones added as the family works together with the new situation. Recognizing the perspective of others is an important EF skill. Kids may enjoy assigning the chores to family members and being in charge of evaluating success.
• Cooking:  Putting together a meal incorporates many EF skills. It requires determining an appropriate goal, sequencing of a plan, being aware of the timing and, at least for me, the need to make revisions.
• Arts & Crafts: Creative activities tap into the right hemisphere of the brain and learning new skills involves all EF components.
• Puzzles & Games: These can be a fun way to encourage EF skills. Attention, memory, problem solving, visual-spatial skills, sequencing, inhibition, mental flexibility, making use of feedback and many more can be encouraged while having fun.
• Reading, TV & Movies: In addition to doing this alone, family involvement can encourage EF. Look for the opportunity to discuss both factual and deeper meanings or have kids write a review, create a test about the story or design essay questions. 
• Social Media: This will be an important connection to friends, which is very important in preventing depression. But the quantity and quality of the engagement should be closely monitored. And remember, kids mirror what they see so develop parameters for everyone in the house.

Lots of togetherness: Everyone being home can make for a lot of togetherness. Be sure to allow opportunity for everyone to do their own thing and be separate from each other.

“You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage.”~Michelle Obama

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“I made that mistake because I was too well rested,” said nobody, ever! The value of a well-rested brain can’t be understated. While many brain functions are reduced with inadequate sleep, executive functions are particularly vulnerable. Because these are very high level skills, they need optimal conditions to function optimally, with sleep being high on the list of needs. In the last decade, I have seen a steady rise in the number of clients I see that I would describe as sleep deprived.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children 6-12 years old should sleep 9-12 hours and 13-18 year olds, 8-10 hours during a 24 hour period. This is on a regular basis and does not imply that 15 hours of sleep on Sundays will make up for missed time. Further, a study presented at the AAP 2019 National Conference showed that only 48% of United States school aged children sleep 9 hours most weekdays. Less than half!

So what is keeping students from consistently sleeping enough? I most often see the culprit being overscheduling. Many students participate in multiple, high frequency activities causing them to not return home until 8:00pm making time for homework and some relaxation before bedtime difficulty, if not impossible. Additionally, most students do and should participate in some after school activities. Teachers need to be cognizant of the actual time available to students and work to insure that homework doesn’t exceed a reasonable amount of this time. Another offender involves screen time. Every family needs to establish their own rules regarding screens relative to each particular child’s strengths and weaknesses. But rules do need to be established for the quantity and quality of screen time each day. The AAP suggests that all screens be turned off 30 minutes before bedtime and that TV, computers and other screens not be allowed in children’s bedrooms.

Parental modeling is key. When children see their parents consistently over-scheduling themselves or over-scheduling the family, they will view this as normal. When children witness their parents frequently on screens to the exclusion of other activities, they will view this as normal.  When children observe their parents staying up late and being tired, they will view this as normal.

The cycle is vicious. You don’t sleep enough and your executive function skills decline. Your executive function skills decline and with it your efficiency declines so the tasks take you longer. The tasks take longer, so you stay up later. And so it continues.

As the adults in the room, parents and teachers need to be realistic. There are only so many hours in a day. Try to be reasonably about what can be accomplished and be the catalyst for change.

https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/Only-Half-of-U-S-Children-Get-Enough-Sleep-During-the-Week.aspx “Sounding the Alarm on the Importance of Sleep: The Positive Impact of Sufficient Sleep on Childhood Flourishing”

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It is always an honor and pleasure to talk to parent and teacher groups about executive functions. When discussing strategies adults can employ to encourage, enhance and expand executive functions in children I include several simple techniques. I’d like to highlight one that is often underappreciated: “Share Your Story.”

Executive functions are housed in the frontal lobe of the brain. This area is slow to mature, with some research putting continued development into one’s 30s, leading to my overarching premise: Children go through their entire educational experience with immature frontal lobes. Therefore, any opportunity that we as adults can take to promote good executive functions in our children is beneficial. Share Your Story is one such way.

Adult brains are constantly navigating an array of options for action. We determine the desired outcome, evaluate different methods to achieve the outcomes, modify plans…we calculate and recalculate a myriad of tasks simultaneously all day, every day. However, to an outsider it looks like we just do it. To our children, our outcomes seem to occur by magic.  They don’t know all that has gone on in our head so, to them, it seems that dinner magically appears on the table.

Share Your Story pulls away the curtain and demystifies the magic. It’s very simple. Take all that calculating and recalculating that goes on in your head and let it out of your mouth. Talk about your thought process for both tasks you are doing and those your child is doing.  For example, as you’re getting into the car to drive to a practice, talk out loud about what led to that point.

“I knew you had to be at practice by 4:30 and that you would need your clean uniform so I decided to finish the wash Sunday and I wouldn’t have to worry about it on a workday. I need to go to the grocery store but there won’t be enough time between when I drop you off and pick you up and I’ll need to find a different time for that. I put my sneakers in the car so I could walk the track while you practice and I can also return some phone calls in the parking lot while I wait for you.”

These few sentences let your child see that you have a plan, the uniform didn’t magically clean itself and drop into the pack, that you considered options for what to do during practice and planned ahead to have what you would need.  There was no smoke and mirrors.

Share Your Story about your work situations.

“Today was a crazy day. I had an important conference call scheduled but 10 minutes before it was to start, the system went down. The help desk didn’t know how long it would take to fix and it was stressful to decide whether I should reschedule or hope it comes through and just shorten the content. I decided to cancel and reschedule. Tomorrow I will have to decide when we can try again and contact everyone with an apology and new time.” 

By sharing the situation, you help your child to understand that problems happen, options are considered and new plans made. There is no magic wand to fix a difficulty but there is logic and reason.

Don’t limit your sharing to just tangible events. Share Your Story with emotions also.

“Did you see that guy almost hit us! He had his head down texting and almost ran right into our car. I’m so angry. I’d love to pull up next to him at the light and scream at him. But instead I’m going to take some deep breaths. Yelling at him won’t change his behavior and may make him really angry.”

Kids need to see that adults do get angry at times and feel like acting out, but we have our own methods of calming down and analyzing the situation.  There isn’t a calming fairy that blows dust and makes us relax.

Children learn by observing adults and Share Your Story is a very simple way you can foster their learning of executive functions skills.

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